do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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