you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
