home. puking in laundry basket.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
