me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
