Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
