Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
