Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
