My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
