i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
