let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
