Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
