this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
