She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
