im drinking this country out of the recession.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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