awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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