I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
