all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
