im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
