So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
