Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My dick has a subreddit
Randomize
