Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize