I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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