hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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