I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
