I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
