She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
