it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
