vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
