i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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