Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
