it was like his penis was on wheels.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
