So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
