I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
