tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Randomize
