Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
