Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
sarcasm needs its own font
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
