We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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