i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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