ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
