Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
