At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
