To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
