I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Still dying that you shit outside
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
