Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you win again, gameday.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
