i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
