Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
