How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
