Why does Corona taste like a burp?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
