So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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