How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
