hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Boobs are out for the taking
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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